CAN’T TELL KIDS MUM’S A LESBIAN

Dear Coleen

My wife has recently left me for a woman and we have two children together, aged eight and 10, who are bewildered to say the least.

She has moved in with her, but the kids are still with me. I know she feels bad about leaving the children but she felt she had to leave straight away and sort things out later.

I’m shocked, heartbroken and humiliated. I just don’t know how to explain this to my family and friends or to my kids.

Coleen says

I think you have to try to be as honest as you can with your children. Explain that grown-ups sometimes fall out of love with their partners and fall in love with new people, but it doesn’t mean their mum doesn’t love them any more. You have to be the adult here and not bad mouth the mum they’ll be missing. I had a friend in the same situation as you and it was very hard, but they all came through it. He went on to meet someone lovely and the kids were OK. But was it an easy process? No. It’s going to take time and lots of talking.

The most important message to get across to your kids is that yes, their mum loves someone else, but you’re all going to be fine as a family. But as for you, there’s no quick fix for heartbreak I’m afraid.

When a partner leaves for a same-sex relationship and there have never been any grey areas over their sexual preference, it’s natural to wonder if your entire relationship was a sham.

That hurts a lot and makes you question yourself. But there’s every chance your wife just clicked with this woman and unexpectedly fell in love. It happens and it’s nothing to do with what you did or didn’t do.

Talk to someone, whether it’s a counsellor or a close friend.

Don’t suppress your feelings – you don’t have to be strong all the time and shoulder this on your own. You’re clearly a great dad, so focus on getting them and yourself through this, and take it day by day. Good luck.