MY BOYFRIEND NEVER SHOWS HIS FEELINGS

Dear Coleen

I’ve been with my boyfriend for nearly two years and it’s great. We’re friends, we have a brilliant laugh together and there are no problems in the bedroom.

However, there’s one thing that bothers me – he won’t ever talk about anything really meaningful. By that I mean our relationship and his family – and he also finds it very hard to show his feelings.

It feels like a barrier to me and it seems as if he’s holding back. I’m concerned about being with someone long term who is so emotionally closed off.

What do you think?

Coleen says

I think it could be down to the way he was brought up – not to talk about his feelings. Or perhaps something happened in his past that’s made him fearful of admitting how he feels. It could make him feel very vulnerable.

Why not ask him?

If you’re the type of person who likes to share your thoughts and feelings, then choosing someone who’s the polar opposite can be a real challenge for the relationship.

I did exactly that and my last relationship sounds very much like yours, so I get your frustration.

I think if you’re feeling this now, then you have to try to open up that avenue of communication as soon as possible, and don’t leave it just hoping he’ll change or that things will just improve on their own – neither of those things are going to happen.

It’s really important to be able to talk about things that are worrying you or challenging you, and also to talk about your relationship. Show him that he’s in a safe space when he’s talking to you and hopefully he’ll open up more.