I NEED TO TELL PAL I’M DATING HER OLD LOVE

Dear Coleen

I’ve been dating the ex-boyfriend of one of my closest friends for a few weeks now. We’re all in our mid-20s and part of a big friendship circle.

It just happened when we were out one night and he dropped me home. I didn’t plan it, but I really like him and we’ve been inseparable ever since.

I’ve been worrying a lot about telling my friend. At first I put it off because the relationship was new and I didn’t know it would last. Now, the longer I leave it, the scarier it feels to break the news.

The other thing is that some of our friends already know about us, so I think it’s just a matter of time before one of them slips up and she finds out that way, which I don’t want. I’d hate this to ruin our friendship, but I can imagine it being very awkward between us.

Can you help?

Coleen says

I think honesty is the best policy here. If you feel weird talking to her face-to-face, then call her up and tell her. And just be honest about the situation – tell her it wasn’t planned, but you really like each other and you’ve been putting off breaking the news because you don’t want it to be an issue in your friendship. And ask her how she feels about it.

Initially, she might feel awkward too, but she might also be OK with it. She’s not with him any more, so you’re not doing anything underhand, and obviously they split for a reason. It might be a case of good riddance!

But I’d bite the bullet and sort it out sooner rather than later, as running around cloak and dagger style, hiding from various friends, can get pretty tiresome.