Daily Mirror (Northern Ireland)
Partner is abusive then he begs for forgiveness
I’m a woman in my late 50s and I’ve been having an on-off relationship with a man who’s quite a lot younger – he’s 40. I suppose I met him at a time when I was feeling quite vulnerable. I was quite newly divorced and had also lost my parents to illness.
He seemed caring and also a lot of fun, which was a tonic at the time, but things have deteriorated over the past couple of years. One minute he’s lovely and the next he’s spiteful and nasty, to the point of shouting at me and calling me all sorts of vile names.
Luckily, we never moved in together, which I’m very thankful for. I’m losing confidence in myself and feel unhappy much of the time, yet I’m always drawn back to him and welcome him back every time he’s been horrible to me.
A couple of times I’ve suggested that we cut our losses and end the relationship, but he was inconsolable and begged me to give him another chance so I did.
I feel so confused about why he’s desperate to keep the relationship going when neither of us is happy. It really was so good at the beginning, but maybe the age gap is just too big.
I’d love your opinion.
Coleen says
I think you know what you want and you know what you have to do, so it’s about finding the confidence to end it and stick to your guns.
What’s worrying is that this man is showing the signs of an abusive partner – blowing up and blaming you, making you doubt yourself and then being lovely and begging for another chance. It’s emotional abuse.
You’re constantly worried he’s going to lose it, which means you’re walking on eggshells trying to keep him happy.
It’s controlling and it’s no way to live your life. Don’t let things go until it gets to the point where your self-esteem is so low that you don’t feel you deserve anything better and don’t have the confidence to leave him.
It might have been wonderful and fun at the beginning – and what you needed at the time – but it’s not now, whether that’s to do with the age gap or not.