Daily Mirror (Northern Ireland)
I battled to walk again after losing my leg... but hidden depression was darker fight
Ross reveals mental health struggle over Thai accident
CO ANTRIM YESTERDAY
despite several surgeries his damaged leg could not be saved.
With his parents Desna and Andrew flying to be at his bedside, surgeons spotted the tell-tale signs of deadly sepsis and moved to save Ross’ life with an upper leg amputation.
He explained: “By the time Mum and Dad got to me the leg was gone and I was out of immediate danger but still very sick.
“I almost died three times but with help I pushed on through and now I’m holding on to this life knowing what it feels to almost lose it.” ithin two weeks Ross had undergone 40 blood transfusions and battled deadly infections.
But the chance of life, the images of near-death and terrifying hallucinations he suffered while struggling with sepsis were enough to keep him fighting.
Ross said: “I knew I had a choice to make and I realised quite quickly that
Walthough my body went into shock, my mind did too.
“Without knowing it, I’d been put on antidepressants in Thailand and those continued when I got home to Northern Ireland and when I eventually saw the list of medication I was taking daily I challenged the antidepressants.
“I was told that people are put on them as a matter of course following an amputation. I couldn’t make sense of that.
“I stopped taking all the drugs they put me on and went cold turkey. I knew if I was to get myself better physically and mentally I needed to do it myself and that was my choice.” Ross told how the accident led to him suffering psychological trauma. He said: “There are times especially when I’m on my own that I’ve had very dark thoughts about how I hate myself for what I’ve put the people around me through, I hate how I look, I don’t think I deserve anything good.
“I’ve actually called my girlfriend on more than a few occasions, crying, asking her, ‘Why should I be here, why do I deserve this, why do I matter?’
“I’ve come to realise that the physical and mental trauma has changed me and I need to handle things differently. o my mission is simple. Get healthy, keep healthy and join the fight to help make Northern Ireland healthy too and stop the meaningless small talk that covers up real feelings.
“We’ve been waiting for years in Northern Ireland for a mental health champion to be assigned and it still hasn’t happened so I’m starting my own campaign and anyone who wants to
Sjoin me can.
What I have learned is simple.
The damage I did to my body coming off that moped is no different to the damage in my mind. I needed to recover from both but it takes a lot of effort.
“I’m not ashamed to say I needed it and I hope my story helps other people have a think about their life before it gets too hard – or it’s too late.
“It’s time to stop the small talk, the I’m-fine-thanks. It’s time to start the big talk and say, ‘I need help’ if you need to.”