DESPERATE TO LOSE MY VIRGINITY

Dear Coleen

I’m a 22-year-old woman and I still haven’t lost my virginity. I’ve got to a certain point with guys, but it always stops before sex. I’m the only one in my group of friends that hasn’t had sex and it’s starting to feel like a burden.

I think about it a lot – definitely too much – but I’m really nervous of taking that next step.

How do you know when it’s the right time to have sex and how can I get control of my nerves? The longer it goes on, the worse I feel about it. Please help.

Coleen says

You’re over-thinking it and, as with many things in life, the thought of it is much scarier than the reality. First, you’ll know when it’s the right time because you’ll be with the right person. And if you’re with the right person – someone you trust and really, really like – you’ll build up to sex gradually and it’ll happen naturally when you’re relaxed.

If you’ve started to build a relationship with this person you should feel able to admit that you’re a bit nervous and want to take it slowly. But please don’t feel pressured into having sex just because your friends have all done it – so what? I think it’s far stronger to wait until you feel ready.

Sex with the right person is absolutely fabulous – something really positive and joyful that builds intimacy between two people. And if your partner is more sexually experienced than you are, he’ll know all the right moves to make and you can enjoy learning. Good luck.

Debbielh, via email I want to comment on the letter from the woman who was seeing a married man for 18 months (Dear Coleen, October 19). She uses a lot of “I” statements and also retaliated by sending a letter to his wife exposing the affair. What an utterly selfish and self-centred person! The married guy is obviously just as bad, but please stick to single men instead of being a marriage wrecker.