SEEING PORN AT 14 HAS PUT ME OFF SEX

Dear Coleen

I think seeing porn at a young age has ruined how I feel about sex. I’m 14 and feel disgusted by it and I’m just not interested in it at all. I feel that just being naked would be embarrassing and awful.

My parents haven’t given me “the talk” yet and if I ask my mum about boys or sex, she just seems really awkward and the whole thing is a disaster. Please help. I don’t want sex to be ruined for me for life because of all this.

Coleen says

First of all, please stay away from porn and don’t feel pressured by your friends into watching it.

You’re only 14 so don’t feel you should be having sex, no matter what your friends or classmates are saying. You’re too young and you’re not ready, and that’s why the idea of it is scary.

I wouldn’t relate your worries about being naked to porn – that’s something everyone stresses about and it’s entirely normal.

What’s important to realise is that porn isn’t real – it’s not how real relationships play out. Those people on screen are actors and they’re acting out a fantasy for other people. When you meet the right boy in a few years, sex will happen naturally and you won’t have to worry. And sex with the right person is wonderful –it brings you closer to your partner.

When it comes to sex education, I’d hope your school is helping with that, and there are lots of good books and resources online. My mum and dad never spoke to me about sex either, although I had older sisters I could turn to.

So if your mum isn’t inviting it or you’re very uncomfortable talking to her about it, then ask someone else you’re close to, such as an older sister or an auntie.