HOW DO I TELL HER IT’S TIME TO SPLIT UP?

Dear Coleen

I’ve wanted to leave my girlfriend for a while now, but I can’t seem to pluck up the courage to do it because I know she’ll be devastated.

For me, the sexual chemistry isn’t there any more and I just see her as a friend. We’ve been together for 18 months but I’ve realised we’re not compatible.

She wants to stay at home all the time and she’s very possessive, and gets mad if I do anything without her. I find this suffocating.

She’s not a bad person though, and was very kind to me when I lost my job, really helping me to get back on my feet. I’ve just been staying with her out of guilt, I suppose.

I’m miserable and I can’t keep up the pretence much longer – have you any advice?

Coleen say

I’ve said it lots of times on this page – it’s never easy to break someone’s heart. There really is no way of dumping your partner and feeling great about it (unless they’re abusive, of course).

So unless you have a heart of stone, it’s going to feel horrible to upset her, even though you know that ending the relationship is the right thing to do.

In the long run it’s never going to work and you don’t want to end up sleeping with other women behind her back – that would hurt more.

My guess is that she knows deep down (even if she won’t admit it to herself) that you’re not invested in the relationship the way she is and that’s why she’s possessive.

So my advice is to bite the bullet and do the right thing, and do it sooner rather than later before you’re even deeper into this relationship and it’s much harder.