DO I TELL EX ABOUT ABORTION?

Dear Coleen

I’m a 19-year-old girl and I’ve recently found out I’m pregnant after splitting up with my boyfriend a few weeks ago.

I’ve already decided not to keep the baby. I’m at university and I doubt my parents would be able to help with bringing up a child, as my dad’s in poor health and my mum works full time.

It’s been horrible having to make this decision, but I know it’s for the best.

What’s bothering me is that my ex doesn’t know and I don’t know whether I should tell him. We didn’t end things on particularly bad terms, but there’s no way back for our relationship and we’re both happy with that.

Should I just keep this to myself or should I let him know? I’d love your opinion.

Coleen says

I’m sorry you’re in this position and have had to make such a tough decision.

If I were in your shoes, I would probably tell my ex, but I would do it without any expectations and I wouldn’t let him change my mind if I’d made my decision. If you do tell him for peace of mind and because you think it’s the right thing to do, just be prepared he might not react in the way you think he will (ie, relieved), and he may be opposed to you having a termination. That could give rise to lots of doubts and fears.

The bottom line is, it’s your body and your choice. And you’d be the one left holding the baby if you did go through with the pregnancy.

You don’t say in your letter whether you’ve been able to confide in friends or family, but you need emotional and practical support at this tough time. Don’t try to go it alone and please speak to your doctor, who can date the pregnancy and give confidential advice about your next steps.