I’M CONFUSED OVER CRUSH ON BEST PAL

Dear Coleen

I’m 16 and pansexual and I have a best friend who’s bisexual. I think I like her, but she’s currently in a relationship.

She isn’t really happy with her boyfriend – she dumped him recently – but they got back together.

Anyway, I feel super guilty about liking her so much because of the whole relationship thing and, if I ever did tell her how I feel, I’m afraid it might make things weird between us, even though we are really close and comfortable around each other.

Can you help me understand the whole situation better as I’m feeling very confused?

Coleen says

At 16, the whole dating and relationships thing is confusing, so how you’re feeling is normal and nothing to worry about. You’re at the beginning of a learning curve, working out what you like and who you like. So please don’t panic.

As for your situation, I think at this stage all you should be is her friend. She has enough going on without throwing this into the mix. You can be her shoulder to cry on, but I do think she needs to sort out her relationship first. You could always say something like, “You’re a fantastic person and if I thought I had a chance, I wouldn’t hesitate” rather than “I really fancy you, so dump your boyfriend”.

If you do admit how you feel, you have to accept that it will probably change your friendship if she doesn’t feel the same. So you have to weigh that up carefully.

At 16 you have so much life to live and so many people still to meet, and it’s important to have good friends around you. So try to work out if it’s worth going down that road and potentially spoiling your most important friendship.