HOW CAN I HELP GRIEVING MUM?

Dear Coleen

I’m a 19-year-old girl still living at home with my parents. Sadly, my gran died recently after a short illness, leaving my mum heartbroken. My mum is an only child, which I think makes it harder for her as she has no one to share her grief with who really understands. And she’s having to sort out everything to do with my gran’s house and belongings herself, although my dad has been very supportive.

She’s been very quiet and tearful, and just isn’t herself. I’m not sure how I should be with her, as no one close to me has died before. Can you help?

Coleen says

What a lovely, thoughtful daughter you are. When it comes to grief and mourning there are no hard and fast rules. People react differently and some take longer than others to begin to move on. I think the best way to approach it is to take your lead from your mum. If she wants to be quiet and spend some time on her own, then let her have that time. But it’s OK to say something like: “What’s the best way I can help you, Mum?” And there might be practical things you can do, such as helping her to sort sorting through your gran’s belongings, doing things at home like the laundry or making the dinner. A hug and a cup of tea will go a long way, too.

Just don’t expect too much of your mum too soon. It takes time, but she will get to a place where she’s able to focus on the good times she shared with your gran. Visit bereavement charity cruse.org.uk, which has some very useful insight.