She slept with other men during a short ‘time out’

Dear Coleen

I’m a 28-year-old man and I got together with my girlfriend about 18 months ago. She’s 33, so a bit older than I am, although the age difference has never seemed significant to me.

Over the past couple of months we’ve been arguing a bit, mostly over stupid stuff, but she also seemed a bit distant and preoccupied. She suggested we take some time out and spend a couple of weeks apart to give each other some space, and I agreed because I was sick of arguing and thought it could be a good idea.

I decided to visit my sister, who lives in Spain with her family.

When I got back, nothing had really changed with my girlfriend, in fact she seemed even more cut off. Frustrated, I went onto our shared laptop and looked through her private Facebook and Instagram messages and found out that when I was in Spain, she’d been meeting up with another guy.

After a huge argument and lots of crying, she admitted she’d been seeing him, as well as other men, because she’s not sure about where our relationship is headed and can’t make up her mind about what she wants. Should I stick around and see what happens as I’ve put a lot into this relationship, or am I being a mug?

Coleen says

I’m not sure why you’re happy to sit back and let her make all the decisions, especially after she’s betrayed you the way she has. It sounds to me as if she’s keeping her options open and wants to cling on in case she doesn’t meet anyone worth leaving you for!

If I were you, I’d get back in the driving seat and take control of your life, and tell her you’re not willing to hang around while she sees other guys and makes her mind up.

It’s like she’s forgotten you’ve been in a relationship for 18 months – which you thought was serious. She doesn’t seem to have addressed her cheating or even tried to make amends!

I think it’s clear you both want different things at the moment and you deserve so much better. If you don’t cut ties completely, then I’d suggest a much longer period apart where you can really get a sense of what it’s like to miss each other.

In a few months time, you might have moved on emotionally or with someone else.

She can’t make her mind up what she wants