EX STOPS ME FROM MOVING ON

Dear Coleen

I broke up with my boyfriend of four years a few months ago. It was mutual, although I think I wanted to move on more than he did. We agreed to stay friends, which was OK for a while, but now I’ve met someone else, it’s proving really tricky.

My ex calls and texts a lot, and is still very much part of my life, and it’s starting to irritate me. He uses emotional blackmail a lot – using problems with his job and his family that he wants to talk over with me. He’s not seeing anyone at the moment.

My boyfriend is really good about it, but I can tell he’d rather my ex wasn’t on the scene.

What can I do?

Coleen says

I think it is going to be hard for you to move on – both in a practical and in an emotional sense – while your ex is still such a big part of your life. I know you say the split was mutual, but I wonder if he’s hanging in there in the hope you’ll get back together.

I think you can be friends with an ex, but it’s good to have some space first while you each find your feet, and especially while you’re trying to get a new relationship off the ground.

Your boyfriend might be relaxed now, but if your ex is still on the scene this much a few months down the line, he has every right to question it.

Talk to your ex, explain you want to stay in touch and get together with him in the future, but you need to take a step back to make a proper commitment to your new relationship. You’ll probably find when your ex finds a partner, you won’t see him for dust.