I’m so humiliated after he dumped me for our friend

Dear Coleen

I’m a woman in my 20s and my boyfriend of three years recently ended our relationship and started going out with a girl in our group of friends.

He sometimes used to comment on how sexy she was – and she is very attractive – but I never thought he had feelings for her. I feel like such a fool for not spotting it.

The rest of our friends now know and clearly feel sorry for me, and I feel so humiliated. My ex insists they didn’t sleep together while we were still seeing each other, although they did meet up in secret.

I don’t know whether that’s true or if he’s just trying to make me feel better or absolve himself somehow.

I don’t know how I’m going to face people after this and just want to hide myself away. I’ve never been betrayed like this before. It was a serious relationship and I never spotted any signs he was about to dump me or even that he wasn’t happy. How could I have been so foolish?

Coleen says

You’re not foolish, but it is devastating to be betrayed in this way – it is going to hurt for a while. It’s also OK to shut the world out for a bit – it’s a natural reaction. But keep reminding yourself that someone who can do that to you isn’t the right man for you and you deserve better.

When my first marriage ended, I found it helped to just get back out there among people and find some joy and happiness, even if I had to fake it. And, as time went on, I found I wasn’t faking it and I felt stronger.

Of course there will be days when you feel rubbish, but gradually those days will become less frequent.

And lean on your friends – maybe they knew what your ex and this girl were up to, maybe they didn’t. But if they did know, I imagine they felt bad about it and struggled a lot about whether to tell you.

As far as your friends go, your ex is the one who should feel bad and he’ll be sensitive enough hopefully to take a step back and allow you some space.

I feel like a fool for not spotting their relationship