MUM CRITICISES MY PARENTING

Dear Coleen

Growing up, my mum was really strict with me and my younger sisters. I’m now married to a lovely man and we have a 10-year-old daughter and an eight-year-old son.

My mum lives around the corner from us and is always telling me where I’m going wrong with the kids.

She thinks they go to bed too late, eat too much sugar, they have too much screen time and she thinks they backchat.

They’re not perfect, but they’re pretty lovely kids, and when I see them around their friends – and our friend’s children – I know they’re pretty normal. Yet my mum just criticises me, and them, the whole time.

My husband despairs of her and just ignores a lot of what she says, but I find it really hard to not let it get to me and I often find myself caught between my husband and my mum and the kids.

What do you think I should do?

Coleen says

In all honestly, it sounds like you’re still a bit scared of your mum. I think your husband is right to ignore a lot of what she says. They’re your kids.

You can raise them however you like, be strict or not strict, and ultimately it has nothing to do with her. But it sounds like you’re doing a great job so stop beating yourself up.

Your mum sounds a little like one of those people who will complain about everything no matter what, so all you can do is keep doing what you’re doing and don’t pay her comments any attention.

We’ve come a long way in terms of raising children, and things like sugar and screen time are relatively new problems that your mum has no experience of. So it’s all very well her saying your kids shouldn’t look at screens, but that’s not the reality of modern parenting.

It sounds like you have a lovely supportive husband and great kids, so concentrate on them and don’t worry about what your mum says.

And if it gets too much, just tell her nicely to back off.