HOW DO I HELP GRIEVING HUBBY?

Dear Coleen

My father-in-law is terminally ill and my husband is under a lot of stress, trying to be there for his family, as well as work, and be here for us and our kids.

I’ve been very lucky in my life so far in that no one close to me has passed away, and I don’t know how to behave to help my husband.

I don’t want to add to his pressure or say the wrong thing. I would love your advice.

Coleen says

It’s a difficult situation for all of you – you’re trying to live a normal life while someone very close to you is dying. Let your husband know you’re there for him and accept there will be times when he’s withdrawn or even snappy. When that happens, remind yourself of why he’s behaving like that.

When you’re under a lot of stress, you usually take it out on the person closest to you, so don’t take it personally.

I remember having to go to work when my sister, Bernie, was terminally ill with breast cancer, and I had to smile and carry on when it was the last thing I felt like doing. And I was probably snappy with my kids for doing things that usually didn’t bother me.

So take your lead from him – ask him if there’s anything you can do to help relieve some stress. The key is to get through it together and let him know that when you’re alone, those are the times when he doesn’t have to be strong and hold it all together. If he wants to talk or cry, it’s fine.