Daily Mirror (Northern Ireland)
I still find it hard to accept Mum is no longer here. I hear her in my head, telling me off
Fern Britton a year after Ruth’s death
FERN Britton says she is still ambushed by grief a year after her mum Ruth died aged 94.
The former This Morning host, 61, has found her loss difficult to process – and still hears her giving her an earbashing.
She says: “I’m finding it very difficult to accept that my mum is no longer here. I still can’t quite believe it because she’s so very present in my mind. I can still hear her in my head. I dream about her and the dreams are so vivid. She’s always telling me off about something.”
Opening up about the emotional impact it had on her, she says: “The grief hit me the day her ashes were scattered. As soon as it was over, I thought, ‘I just want to sit and drink gin and go to bed,’ and that’s what I did. I did some bonkers things in the immediate aftermath.
“I booked a cruise on the Queen Mary 2, on my own. I cried a lot in those two weeks, but I also wrote a lot and I found that very soothing. I never know when the grief will come now, but I feel in a much better place.
And she adds: “Having had years of depressed episodes, I recognise when it’s coming and it doesn’t frighten me any more.”
Rather than taking on the battle alone, she has sought professional help, saying: “One thing that really helps me is therapy. I’ve had a weekly session for the past five years, which keeps me on track and gives me a lot of food for thought. You learn so much about yourself when you sit in a room and feel safe enough to tell somebody absolutely everything. “It’s made me a much stronger person.”
Ruth brought up Fern and her older sister Cherry alone after splitting from their actor father Tony, now 93, when Fern was still a baby. When Ruth died last year, Fern
wrote in tribute: “Ruth. Both mother and father to me. Funny, ferocious, and a woman once met, you couldn’t forget. So brave and uncomplaining. An army sergeant WW2, beauty queen, teacher, and all woman.”
Fern has daughter Winnie, 16, with TV chef husband Phil Vickery, and also has son Harry, 24, and daughter Grace, 21, from her previous marriage to TV executive Clive Jones.
Her mum’s death came shortly after Fern opened up about her battle with sepsis, which she contracted in 2016 after going to hospital for a hysterectomy. Telling of the horror she says: “Being sick, hot, sweaty, confused – I was in bed thinking ‘I’m dying’.”
Having started her career in theatre, Fern has returned to the stage for the first time in over 30 years with the Calendar Girls tour – in Dartford, Kent, this week – and says her body confidence has increased.
She tells Prima magazine: “I’m loving every minute of it – but I have to keep telling everyone, I don’t get naked in the show! But if I had to, I would.
“I hate that people care so much about what size and shape women’s bodies are. My boobs and my knees are going south – but am I bothered? Not really. I’m at a point in my life where if I want to grow a moustache and beard, I will. And if I haven’t shaved under my arms, I’m not going to get in a spin.” The full interview is in the April issue of Prima, on sale now.