I FEEL HE GOT IT ALL AFTER WE SPLIT UP

Dear Coleen

I’m a gay man in my early 40s and I’ve recently split up with my longterm partner.

Even though it was mutual, it hurts like hell. We lived together and had to go through the awful process of splitting up our things and then he bought me out of our mortgage.

I feel so low because I’ve moved into a rented place back home, while he remains in the house we shared, but I couldn’t afford to buy him out.

I feel like he’s still living the life we used to have, near our friends and places we went to socialise.

Will I ever feel better about this and be able to move on?

Coleen says

Of course you will, but you’re going to hurt for a while and I’m sure he’s suffering, too. It probably feels extra hard because you’ve had to leave your home and social life and familiar things you take comfort in.

But it doesn’t mean you have to lose touch with your friends. Reach out to them and tell them you could use a bit of support.

I don’t know if this move is temporary or permanent but I think it would help to immerse yourself a bit in life where you are. Any distraction from thinking about the relationship is a useful way of getting over the hump.

I wouldn’t put too much pressure on yourself at this stage in terms of the future – it’s good to have some time out to get used to being out of that relationship.

As you say, the decision to split was mutual and you clearly had good reasons, so keep that in mind when you’re low, even though I know the temptation is to view the relationship with a big pair of rose-tinted specs. Chin up and good luck – you will get through it.