SHOULD I ADMIT TO SEX PARTY PAST?

Dear Coleen

I’m a woman in my 30s and I recently started seeing a really great man. In the past

I’ve really struggled to form lasting relationships and in my last long-term one, I got talked into regular group sex with other couples.

I actually enjoyed these sex parties for a while, so I don’t want to lay it all on my ex, but I grew tired of it and didn’t like myself very much by the time that relationship ended.

This man I’m seeing is very straight and completely different to my ex, which is probably part of the attraction, but I don’t know how he’d feel about me if I admitted what I used to get up to.

I like him so much and really respect him, so I feel bad about keeping things from him. What’s your advice?

Coleen says

Well, I don’t think you need to blurt it out over your morning cuppa. Most people come with baggage from their past – some more colourful and interesting than others – and, as you get to know someone better, the subject of previous relationships and sexual encounters usually comes up.

I don’t think you need to prepare yourself for a big confession but, if the subject comes up, you can say there was a point in your life when you had threesomes or foursomes with your partner, but came to realise it wasn’t for you.

And maybe it’s not something your boyfriend would be into, but it won’t necessarily repel him either. Sometimes we build things up in our own minds and expect people to react in a certain way, when it’s actually more to do with how we feel about ourselves.