It’s so sad that footballers’ flesh and blood are abused as well.. my mum couldn’t bear the hate directed at me and stayed outside

FOOTBALL is a sad place when mothers, fathers, brothers and sisters have to stay away because their own flesh and blood is being subjected to vile abuse on the pitch.

But that’s the only foolproof way of ensuring there is no repeat of Tottenham midfielder Eric Dier wading into the stands to confront an objectionable fan who was giving his brother grief.

And that can’t be good for the health of the game.

Hopefully the Dier incident, after Tottenham’s FA Cup defeat against Norwich on penalties, will be a watershed moment which will make supporters re-evaluate their behaviour when they go to football matches. But I’m not going to hold my breath.

When I was a player, if I had climbed into the stands to have it out with every fan who called me unprintable names, I would never have been on the pitch.

From non-league Crawley Town to Wembley, I was serenaded by chants which are just too vulgar to print in a family newspaper.

Even now I get verbals on the touchline when I am managing my Pro Football Academy All Stars youth team on a Sunday morning, or watching my son play for his Manchester United age group. No matter what the provocation, if I rise to the bait, or throw a punch, I’m in trouble. It’s easier said than done to bite your lip or walk away.

On the train recently, I was given fearful abuse by an intoxicated passenger who thought I was fair game to be called every foul name under the sun.

When I asked him why he thought it was acceptable to swear in front of shocked women and children, he replied that I had criticised a mate of his – a professional footballer – seven years ago as a pundit.

Somehow he thought that gave him the right to bawl me out, in four-letter words, in public.

As a professional, Dier (above, in a fury) should not have reacted the way he did. But as a human being, I have every sympathy for him – if you can’t stand up for your own brother, who are you allowed to defend?

Anyone who heard my mum, Val, talking on my BBC Radio Five Live breakfast show about the dilemma facing players’ parents and families every week will understand what an uncomfortable experience it can be to listen to your son being vilified for 90 minutes.

When I was getting dogs’ abuse, she would make sure my dad – who suffered from Pick’s disease, a form of Alzheimer’s – found his seat and then spend 90 minutes walking around outside the ground because she could not bear to listen to the hateful comments.

But she would have expected me to stand up for her – and quite right, too.

She said on my radio programme: “If I was in the stands being abused and you’d just walked off the pitch, you can forget your Terry’s Chocolate Orange at Christmas! I’d be disgusted, Robert.

“I’d want you to stick up for me. I’m a human being with feelings. I’m all for Eric Dier. I know he did wrong as a professional, but he’s a human being with feelings.”

Good old mother.

It would be human nature to climb over the seats, as Dier did, to rectify the situation if your mum was getting stick from gobby fans. After all, family comes first. But as players, we all know we can’t do it.

On the other hand, when my mum and dad came to watch me play, their safety was always on my mind because they knew I was going to get pelters from opposition fans every week. I would always make sure I knew where they would be sitting, and just before kick-off I would look for them in the crowd.

If I couldn’t see them, my head would be all over the place. It affected my performance on the pitch.

After the match, if I had scored, I would ask my mum: “What did you think of my goal?” And it would always make me sad if she replied: “Sorry, Robert, I missed it because I was outside.”

When you go to a match this weekend, and you are tempted to give a player on the other side some stick, please consider this: You will be abusing somebody’s son, somebody’s father, somebody’s brother.

And ask yourself if you would like your dad, your son, your brother, to be on the receiving end of these disgusting trolls.

You never know who may be listening to your hatred, your criticism, or your bitterness.

Once, when I was playing for Wales’ Under-15 schoolboys, my dad was making conversation with the guy stood next to him on the touchline.

One of our forwards was struggling, and my dad remarked that he was a useless lump, or words to that effect.

It turned out that he was talking to the lumbering striker’s father, and my dad felt mortified afterwards.

It was a harsh lesson for him, but he made sure he never spoke like that about another player at a match again.

In a tribal, passionate sport like football, you are never going to stop people swearing or poking fun at individual players or referees.

Since the Dier incident, Jesse Lingard – who came up through the ranks and scored an FA Cup final winner – copped dreadful abuse from a few Manchester United fans at Derby on Thursday night. What did he do to deserve such filth?

I don’t pretend to know all the answers, but I would advise my relatives to stay out of it if the abuse is too much for them.

And if a player fears his family is under fire from idiots whose verbals have crossed a line, perhaps he can ask the nearest police officer or steward to intervene.

Let’s have noise and let’s have banter at football – but decency must win the day

PROTECTIVE Robbie’s mum Val would expect him to stick up for her – as Eric Dier did for his brother