THIS AFRICA TWIN IS BRIGHT AS A BUTTON

Here is an urgent message for Honda. In the cupboard under the stairs at your factory in Kumamoto is a spy.

At night, when all your workers have gone home via that little karaoke bar on the corner, he creeps out to unleash his secret weapon – an unlimited supply of buttons paid for by the other Japanese manufacturers.

And by the time the rising sun of Nippon creeps into the eastern sky at dawn, he has stuck all of them onto the new Africa Twin. As a result, they’ve been sneaking out of the factory without your quality control chappies noticing that there are 14 buttons on the left bar.

Fourteen! And if that wasn’t bad enough, another four on the right. Sack your Head of Button Counting immediately.

There was only one thing for it – use the traditional bloke method of pressing all the buttons until something happened, then if all else failed, as a last resort read the manual.

I started at dawn and, as darkness fell that night, was just about to give up when the bike started to mysteriously levitate as if by magic, and closer inspection of the splendid TFT screen revealed that I’d changed the electronic suspension setting from Anorexic Jockey to Two Sumo Wrestlers with Kitchen Sink. Although why sumo wrestlers need a kitchen when someone else does all their cooking is beyond me.

Anyway, where was I before I interrupted myself? Ah yes, realising that it was time to have a midnight snack, go to bed and actually go riding the next day.

I’ll have more details in my next report, but on a nice run down to the coast for ice cream, it was obvious that the bike had more grunt than its predecessor, and the most impressive change of all was when I switched the suspension from one rider to one rider and luggage to take into account the fact that I’m heavier than the average Honda test rider, who weighs the same as a wet lettuce.

The result, as the bike hunkered down, shot its sleeves and eyed the next corner, was fabulously pinpoint handling. Stand by for a full report next time, once I’ve figured out which button to press to get back into my house.

The cat’s gone and changed the alarm code again, the little furry fiend.

Honda Africa Twin Adventure Sports Engine: 1084cc liquidcooled parallel twin

Power: 101bhp @ 7,500rpm

Torque: 77 lb ft @ 6,250rpm

Colours: White/red/ blue; black

Price: From £13,049; this model £16,049

Geoff Hill @ghillster Fraser Addecott @Mirrorbiker

CLEVER The splendid 6.5in TFT display screen

SWIFT More grunt than predecessor