INTIMIDATED BY FUTURE FATHER-IN-LAW

Dear Coleen

Last week I proposed to my girlfriend and she said yes. Both of us couldn’t be happier. However, her dad reacted weirdly about the whole thing and said, in a jokey way, but with a sinister undertone, “If you hurt her, I’ll f*** you up!” My girlfriend and I were both surprised, but I laughed (nervously).

I’ve never got on with him that well – we’re very different personalities. He’s an alpha male and never gives much away. He’s definitely not the cuddly sort.

I spoke to my girlfriend about it afterwards but she just laughed and said, “Yeah, that was weird”.

Her dad’s going to be in our lives, so I’ll have to find a way to get on with him, but he’s quite scary and I don’t know how to talk to him. Any ideas?

Coleen says

It sounds like he’s just not that great with words (or jokes), but I don’t think you need to be worried for your life.

There’s a great wedding song called “I Loved Her First” about dads and daughters. Until you came along, her dad was the main man, and maybe he’s just having a moment of realising she’s not his little girl any more and he’s showing how much he cares (but in an awkward way).

I think you need to get over your nerves and stop being so worried. There’s often a bit of nervous tension with in-laws but, ultimately, it’s about you two.

I’m living with my future daughter-in-law and we’re great mates and get on like a house on fire, but there’s sometimes a bit of tension because I’ve looked after my son Shane his whole life. Just be aware of it.

Your future father-in-law is obviously different to you, but learn to roll with the punches. The reality is, he’ll be in your life, but not 24/7.

My first mother-in-law was overpowering when I first met her and I was only 21 and scared to death! But I just let most of what she said wash over me and we became great friends.