Relationship is empty and just about sex and chores

Dear Coleen

I’m a 29-year-old woman and have been with my boyfriend for nearly three years, and we moved in together a year ago.

When we first dated, things were great. We shared everything and it was the first time in my life I felt I’d met someone I connected with on every level.

However, over the past year, things have gone downhill and I can’t explain why. We don’t talk about anything important any more, he’s withdrawn from me, and our relationship seems to revolve around sex and domestic chores.

I constantly feel like something is missing, but I can’t put my finger on it. My Instagram is full of photos of us having a great time together, but when I look at them, I just feel empty. They don’t reflect how I feel.

My friends and family all love him – he’s charismatic and charming – and I don’t think anyone imagines I’m struggling.

I love him and want a future with him, but he seems so disconnected and I can’t help feeling that it’s the end, but that he just can’t bring himself to be honest with me.

I’d love your opinion.

Coleen says

Why are you so afraid of talking to him about how you feel? Are you worried about what it will trigger or about destroying this perfect Instagrammable partnership?

No relationship is perfect and they all face challenges – that’s life. You moved in together only a year ago and then had to go through lockdown, which is a huge challenge.

Talking about fears or insecurities doesn’t mean the end of a relationship – if you don’t talk about them, you’ll run into real problems and you might not find a way back. So you have to communicate and work through the various issues.

And don’t get bogged down by what your friends and family will think – they’re not the ones in the relationship. It’s exhausting having to keep up the pretence that everything is great.

If you feel things have changed and you’re worried about where the relationship is going, then tackle it head on. If you take control, you’ll feel better.

It sounds as if you’re both sticking your heads in the sand, but if you start the conversation, then hopefully he’ll open up and be honest.

I feel that it’s the end and he’s just not being honest