SON HAS GIVEN UP SINCE LOSING HIS JOB

Dear Coleen

I am so worried about my son. He was made redundant recently due to Covid and seems to have got himself into a rut.

He stays up until 4am, then doesn’t surface until 2pm the following day. He also drinks a lot and seems to have no ambition in life. I have talked to him, but it has had no effect. Can you help?

Coleen says

He’s struggling to see any light at the end of the tunnel and I think many people are struggling with their mental health right now. He has probably got self-esteem issues and even feelings of shame, and those are difficult emotions to process.

You don’t say how recently he lost his job, but if this behaviour has been going on for a while, then he could be depressed and does not know how to get himself out of it or even how to ask for help.

It’s very difficult because the person who’s suffering has to be ready and willing to accept help. It’s not easy seeing your son like this, but it’s also not easy to just “snap out of it”. It might take some time.

Rather than criticising him for a lack of ambition, try talking to him about how he feels and ask him if you can help in any way.

Try to encourage rather than judge him. And if he’s withdrawn from his friends, get him to reach out to them.

There are lots of good mental health resources online like mind.org.uk and you can also find information around Covid-related redundancy and benefits at gov.uk/coronavirus/ worker-support. And, of course, he can also talk to his GP.

Alcohol is not helping – it’s a short-term fix and a way of numbing his pain, but it’ll make him feel worse in the long term.

I think you can also say that while you’ll support him, you also want him to meet you half way and start taking better care of himself and being a part of the family again.