WHY DO I FIND BEING A MUM SO HARD?

Dear Coleen

I have two children aged nine and six, and I find being a mum so challenging. I seem to struggle with it much more than my friends and keep thinking there must be something wrong with me or I wasn’t meant to be a parent because I’m rubbish at it.

I seem to take on all their worries and feel stressed all the time. One of my kids is quite challenging and he takes up all my time and headspace, while the other is quiet and has trouble making friends.

My husband says I need to not overthink everything. Do you have any reassuring words?

Coleen says

Yes, we all find it hard – parenting is challenging, and that’s a fact. There’s nothing wrong with you. I think your husband is right in the sense that often a child will have a huge issue one day, which leaves you stressed, then they’ll wake up the next and everything is hunky-dory!

I think it helps not to sweat the small stuff and also to choose your battles. Maybe if you can take a step back and remind yourself not to worry over every little thing, then your kids will relax a bit and you’ll feel unburdened, too.

Also, don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help – whether that’s from teachers, friends or parents. I’m sure if you open up to people, you’ll realise that they find certain things tough, too, and might be able to reassure you and provide some good advice.

No child is perfect and no parent is perfect either – so don’t even think about piling that pressure on yourself.

Do things for yourself as well. Yes, you’re a mother and that role is a huge part of your life, but don’t get lost in it – find other things that make you happy, keep you busy and take you out of the day-to-day stresses of motherhood.