I feel I’m not enough for him after I found his porn mags

Dear Coleen

I’ve been dating a really gorgeous guy for a few months now. He’s a real catch – funny, caring, steady job and really attractive. My friends think he’s gorgeous and, for once, I’m enjoying being the envy of my mates after years of bad relationships that have left me broken-hearted.

However, when I was at his flat the other evening, I was looking for a jumper in his bedroom because I was cold, and came across a pile of porn mags. I’m not prudish about that, but they were quite niche in that they were all about women with enormous breasts.

My body type is totally different – I’m a B cup at most – and it’s left me feeling insecure and wondering if I actually turn him on or he’d rather be with someone who looked like these models.

I don’t know whether I should say something or just ignore it – I think I’d be too embarrassed to bring it up because it’s still early days in the relationship. But I’m now wondering what else he has on his phone or computer.

Am I overreacting? I just really want this relationship to work out!

Coleen says

I think you’re so desperate for this relationship to work out that you might be looking for any sign that it’s about to crash and burn. Look, this is fantasy – he’s not having a relationship with these women and I imagine most of the models in these mags have pretty big boobs.

However, why can’t you tell him you found them? It doesn’t have to be embarrassing if you’re not embarrassed. You might have a joke about it or it might lead to a sexy conversation about what you’re both into in bed and what turns you on.

And you might be instantly reassured instead of worr ying about it. But don’t go snooping on his phone or computer – that’s not the way to deal with it.

A relationship is about so much more than physical appearance. He’s with you for a whole number of reasons and you’re not with him just because he’s sexy – you want to be with him because he’s caring and has a great sense of humour.

Try to have some confidence in yourself and don’t define this relationship by previous ones that haven’t worked out.

I’m now wondering what else is on his phone