IMMATURE FIANCE PUTS ME OFF MARRIAGE

Dear Coleen

I got engaged to my boyfriend of two years last year and I moved from my parents’ house to his place for lockdown. At first it was great, but now I’m seriously rethinking our marriage plans.

We’d only ever stayed the night with each other before and gone on holiday, so living together full time has been an eye-opener.

We’re both in our 20s, but he seems immature and not as serious about things as I am. His cleanliness and pride in his home leave a lot to be desired, but he also acts like a teenager sometimes, staying in bed playing online games. He hasn’t felt the need to up his game since I’ve been here and he doesn’t seem to think the way he lives is a problem.

I feel like moving back home at this point, but I don’t know whether I’m overreacting. What do you think?

Coleen says

Well, put the marriage on ice for starters until you’ve worked out what you want to do. It doesn’t sound like he’s making much effort and it’s more a case of fit in with me and my lifestyle.

Moving in together can make or break a relationship because you get to know your partner warts and all. The situation over the past few months has been even more intense because you’ve had far fewer opportunities to escape.

Lockdown isn’t normal life, though, so perhaps he’s feeling the pressure, too.

You have to talk about it and compromise – if you do end up getting married, the ability to compromise will be important because you won’t always agree on everything.

And maybe moving back home for a short time would be a good move and give you both a break and a chance to reassess things.

Good luck.