STRUGGLING TO LIKE MY SPOILT GRANDCHILD

Dear Coleen

I am a woman in my late-60s and I have a problem with my seven-year-old granddaughter, which I have no idea how to solve.

I’ve struggled to bond with her because she’s a really challenging child – rude, spoilt, demanding and prone to throwing huge tantrums. I don’t like her much sometimes, which makes me feel guilty.

She’s an only child and my daughter and her husband struggled to conceive, so she’s worshipped and any criticism of her behaviour doesn’t go down well.

Before lockdown in March, my husband and I used to look after her quite a bit, but then had a few months of not seeing her, which, I’m embarrassed to say, was quite a relief. Now, though, we’re looking after her again and coming up against the same problems. Any advice?

Coleen says

Well, first of all, I’m a big believer in the ‘my house, my rules’ school of thought. Make it clear to your granddaughter that if she comes to stay with you, there are rules and boundaries, which she has to stick to.

If she doesn’t, then there will be consequences. And, if you’re willing to help out with some childcare, then your daughter has to accept that.

Maybe taking a firmer stance at your house will be enough for your granddaughter to think about her behaviour when she’s there.

As for approaching your daughter about parenting, yes, you’re in tricky territory.

But why not just explain to your daughter that you’ve noticed your granddaughter can behave badly when she’s with you, so you’ve put some rules in place, which she has to follow.

It’s also good to have goals for your granddaughter – incentives and rewards for good behaviour.

When my kids where young, I found that turning things into a game was a good way to improve behaviour and have a bit of fun.