I’MLONELY AFTER MOVING TO LOOK AFTER SICK MUM

Dear Coleen

I moved to the other side of the country so my sister and I could help our mother, who could have dementia. My daughter moved down with us and has a flat of her own. She’s been a single mum all her life, so we are very close.

The first few weeks were great, spending time with my daughter and exploring the new area. However, in September she got a job, so weekends were the only time we could spend together.

Now she’s also in a relationship, so I don’t get any time with her. I’m glad she’s found someone, but I’m feeling jealous and lonely.

I find I’m left on my own most of the time – my mum doesn’t go out and can sleep all day.

I can’t even get a job because I have underlying health problems and, of course, I need to be around for mum, who’s 83.

Can you advise?

Coleen says

Have you told your daughter and your sister that you’re struggling and feeling lonely? If you haven’t, then you should. Don’t feel too proud to reach out or worry that you’re being a burden.

It does take time to feel at home in a new area. I remember when I moved to London as a young mum and it took me a good two years to settle in because I felt homesick and cut off from friends and family and everything that was familiar.

What helped me initially were local parents’ groups, so I was able to connect with other mums. You don’t have young children, but it sounds like you have a grandchild or grandchildren, and there will be lots of local social groups for people your age. Instead of shutting yourself away, see what’s out there.

What’s good is that you all moved together, so you have a strong support network.

You just need to tell people how you’re feeling.