Lost that loving feeling?

The pandemic has placed stress on relationships like never before. Here, therapist Corinne Sweet explains how to give your love life an MOT

Couples have been feeling the strain during the pandemic, from worries about health to being cooped up at home – with the added stress of job insecurity.

So it’s no surprise the Citizens Advice Bureau has reported a

25 per cent increase in views on its website’s divorce pages compared to this time last year. Even if you’re not at the point of calling it quits, it’s likely your relationship could do with some TLC.

Here, therapist Corinne Sweet explains how to reconnect with your other half.

Get to know yourself

Successful relationships are more likely to thrive if you know and accept who you are. It takes time, patience and persistence to reveal what you like and don’t like, how you think and feel and what you need and want.

This is crucial for establishing a healthy, confident relationship.

Keep it real

Being authentic is a huge uge part of being selfconfident. You don’t need to pretend to be better or different than you are: owning up to foibles and mistakes is better than hiding things.

Don’t rescue

It’s important not to second guess your partner or put them first over and above your own needs all the time. It leads to resentment and disappointment long-term, plus they may feel suffocated by you.

Allow your partner to struggle with things and work problems out for themselves. Be supportive, but don’t take over or belittle them.

If you sort things out for them all the time, you may end up feeling resentful and distanced.

Think positive

For a relationship to be successful, both partners need to focus on positive qualities in themselves and the other. If the relationship is established this may involve remembering the things you liked and admired about them in the first place.

And think about the things you like about yourself. If you are constantly focusing on the negative, the goodwill in the relationship will fade.

Show appreciation

It’s all too easy to take each other for granted.

Say thank you – and mean it – when someone does something for you. Appreciate the small things y your p partner does for you, and if they ta take you for granted, ask for some a appreciation in return w without criticising or complaining.

Try exchanging three things a day you appreciate a about each other. Yo You both deserve it.

Adadmitit to mistakes

Many couples take up entrenched positions and fight about who is right or wrong all the time. This can be very wearing.

If you are in the wrong admit it, say sorry and move on. Really listen to your partner without interrupting, arguing back or defending yourself.

When we are angry we talk over each other or assume we know what the other is going to say.

Cool off and then take it in turns to listen to each other without interruption or comment.

Tackle conflict

If you know something isn’t working for you, tackle it. Not by blurting it out, sulking or shouting, but by talking about how you feel. Talk to friends or a counsellor first and rehearse what to say. Avoidance doesn’t work long-term, as issues always come back and need airing.

It’s all too easy to take each other for granted so appreciate the small things

Be vulnerable

Research shows real intimacy can be built when both partners are willing to open up. To be vulnerable is to be human, and to be human is to be able to love and connect.

Learn to enjoy your own company. Confidence in relationships comes from being able to do things solo. Find your own interests and hobbies and do them independently from your partner.

Value yourself

Don’t put yourself down or use negative language about yourself. Take care of your mental and physical health and wellbeing. Nurture yourself and get check-ups from professionals when needed.

2 Minutes to Confidence by Corinne Sweet (£12.99, Quercus) is out now