FALLEN OUT OF LOVE WITH MY GIRLDear

Coleen

My girlfriend and I have been together since we were 18 and we’re 27 now and live together.

I’ve fallen out of love with her and I feel terrible about it because I care about her, but have no romantic or sexual feelings for her any more. She feels like a mate and I’m not interested in sex with her, which is becoming harder and harder to avoid.

I know I need to do something about it soon because she’s talking about getting married in 2022 and starting a family and I feel like I’m being dragged on to a speeding train that I can’t get off.

What’s stopping me from ending it is that I know she’ll be devastated and I don’t want to hurt her. It’s also difficult because we’ve lived together for three years. Can you give me advice?

Coleen says

This is a really tough situation – it’s terribly sad and it’s going to be hard at first for both of you, but you can’t stay with someone and get married and have babies because you don’t want to hurt them.

Honestly, there’s no easy way to do it, so you just have to be brave and be honest without being cruel. She might already have a feeling that something isn’t right because you’ve been avoiding sex and perhaps talking about marriage and babies is her way of sounding you out or trying to put your relationship on more solid ground. She might be looking for reassurance.

The bottom line is, you can’t stay if you don’t love her and I’m sure if she thinks about it when the dust has settled, she’ll realise she doesn’t want to be with someone who is not actually in love with her.

You got together when you were just teenagers and you’re probably very different people now. But you’re both still young and you’ll find new relationships.

You’ll grow and learn from this and, hopefully at some point, you’ll be able to be friends.

Good luck.