SEX GREAT BUT NEW LOVE’S TOO SCRUFFY

Dear Coleen

I’m a woman aged 28 and before the most recent lockdown I’d started seeing a guy I met on a dating app.

In terms of personality, we clicked instantly – it was as if I’d known him for years, which I took to be a good sign. He’s so funny, charming and handsome.

But I’m uncomfortable with his appearance, more specifically, his scruffy old clothes with holes in them, shoes that have seen better days and so on.

He’s also not that into grooming – his hair’s always unkempt and he’s nearly always got days of stubble on his chin. Should I say something to him?

I feel bad saying it, but I’d be a bit embarrassed to introduce him to my family and friends. The sex is amazing, though.

Coleen says

You’ve only just started dating him and you’re already trying to change him.

You can’t keep him a secret and roll him out when you fancy sex.i don’t know how he’d take you criticising his clothes and appearance – I guess it depends on what kind of relationship you’ve formed.

You could make a joke of it or offer to give him a style makeover. But I think you’d have to accept you could embarrass him and he might dump you.

Maybe he’s never given much thought to his clothes or doesn’t care that much about appearances – or he’s just really bad at knowing how to dress.

But if it’s not an issue for him, then you have to work out how much of an issue it is for you.

If it’s always going to be an issue for you to the point of not introducing him to people, then I don’t think he’s your Mr Right.

And I don’t think that he’d want to be with someone who was constantly embarrassed by him.