I’M FEARFUL HIS MUM’S SUICIDE WILL WRECK US

Dear Coleen

My boyfriend’s mother sadly committed suicide when he was a teenager after suffering from depression for many years.

When we met three years ago, it was one of the first things he told me – I think he wanted to get it out of the way early. However, now he barely discusses it and clams up if I mention it.

His brother’s marriage imploded and I’m sure it was because he’d never dealt with his mother’s death properly. I don’t want the same thing to happen to us.

Do you have any advice?

Coleen says

You can’t force him to talk about it if he doesn’t want to or he’s not ready. Maybe he doesn’t want to visit it right now because he’s happy with you, and he’s terrified of unleashing his feelings about it.

But of course it’s always going to be there and it’ll always hurt, plus events in life might trigger a reaction – like marriage or the birth of a child – so I think you have to be prepared for that.

I understand why you’re concerned. Maybe you’re worried he’s prone to depression, plus you’ve seen his brother’s marriage fail. But I think all you can do is reassure him that if he ever wants to talk about his mum or he’s worried about anything at all, you’re there for him.

And, if he doesn’t want to talk to you, he can talk to a counsellor.

As far as therapy goes, he has to be ready before starting because it’ll be painful. And if he’s reluctant to talk about it at the moment, I think you have to respect that, as long as it’s not a negative factor in your lives.