SHE CONSTANTLY CRITICISES MY PARENTING

Dear Coleen

My brother-in-law recently got married to a woman who has two small children from a previous relationship. At first I got on really well with her and welcomed another woman into the family, especially as I don’t have a sister and neither does my husband.

Now, however, she seems to criticise everything I do, particularly around how I’m raising my son, who’s 18 months.

She’s quite condescending and talks to me like I know nothing, while she’s an authority on everything from my son’s diet and development to his behaviour.

It’s always, “No, that’s wrong, I did this” or “I’m surprised you’ve chosen to do that”.

I don’t know – is she trying to be helpful but just has no social skills, or is she deliberately mum shaming me? To be honest, she’s driving me nuts!

Coleen says

I think you just have to ignore the advice you don’t want to hear or say something like, “That sounds like it worked well for you, but this is working better for me”.

I don’t know why she has this attitude – maybe she’s just trying a bit too hard to get you to like her or maybe she’s envious of you or your situation.

It sounds like she probably went through a tough time with her previous partner and perhaps brought up her kids mostly on her own, so she might be unconsciously trying to boost her self-esteem and prove to you and to herself that she’s done a good job with her kids.

I get that it’s irritating – I actually experienced something similar with my first motherin-law after I had my eldest son – and of course you know what’s best for your own baby.

However, I also think there are ways of diffusing it so it doesn’t become a big problem and be confident in your own parenting skills, too. I know as a mum-ofthree that what works for one child may not work for another!