WORRIED ABOUT WHAT TO REVEAL IN COUNSELLING

Dear Coleen

My husband and I have finally decided to give relationship counselling a go after struggling in our marriage for some time, and our first session is next week.

We’re both a bit nervous about what it’ll entail, especially as we’re quite private people and have never spoken to a stranger about anything intimate in the past.

I think it’s make or break, though, after two years of misery in which both of us have had affairs and argued constantly over whether to start a family. Please advise.

Coleen says

Well done for seeking professional help. It’s natural to feel a bit apprehensive, but once you have had a couple of sessions, you will get into the rhythm of it and it will feel easier.

The important thing is for you both to commit to the process 100% because it’s not easy and will take time. Your therapist won’t hand you the solution on a plate – you’ll need to acknowledge your pain, sit with it and work through it until you get a breakthrough.

You have to be willing to be honest, even if it risks embarrassment or hurting your partner. You must be prepared to make yourself vulnerable and put your heart and soul on the table. Not everyone wants to do that and not everyone can bear it.

For some couples it can also provide a path to separation. From a personal angle, therapy helped give me the confidence to finally end my first marriage after two years of limping on, even though I knew it was over.