Yours, Siobhan Let’s do this together

I expect I’ll get my first vaccine jab some time in June, if the current rollout continues at this pace.

“Just in time for your 52nd birthday, Mum,” said The Dark Lord, helpfully.

I’ve been feeling my age recently (that’s 42 if anyone cute asks). I blame the gloomy weather and the fact that I’ve suddenly started enjoying bingo. We’ve been playing the game online with friends and their kids for a bit of fun at the weekend, but it’s not as innocent as it first sounds.

My granny used to take me to bingo when I was a kid, except in those days it seemed very decadent.

The hall would be filled with ciggie smoke and glamorous-looking women at the tables stuffing pound notes down their bras and stacking piles of coins next to their rum and cokes.

The bingo lingo was pretty raunchy too. “Legs eleven, ladies,” the cheeky chappy caller would say with a leer. “Sweet 16. Fnarrrr… Down on Your Knees. Forty-threeeees.”

All the women would snigger knowingly while I badgered granny: “What’s so funny? Knees are not funny. Stupid man.”

I don’t remember granny coming home rolling in it, but she did win me a giant-stuffed Smurf.

All these years later, the ‘nudge nudge wink wink’ online bingo calling is still going over the kids’ heads, although The Dark Lord did tell us off – not for being rude but for body-shaming Two Fat Ladies. The puritan tweenager will be banning bingo next.

Email me at siobhan.mcnally@mirror.co.uk or write to Community Corner, PO Box 791, Winchester SO23 3RP.

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