HUBBY SAYS HE’S JEALOUS OF OUR SON

Dear Coleen

I had a baby eight months ago. It’s been hard during the lockdowns, but we love our son so much and he’s helped to make life brighter during this awful time.

However, the other night my husband admitted that he felt a bit resentful sometimes of the close bond I have with our son and the amount of attention I lavish on him. I was shocked and also a bit upset – he’s a baby and needs attention 24/7!

How should I deal with this? I never expected my husband – usually a very sensible, grounded person – to have this attitude.

Can you help?

Coleen says

Firstly, it’s quite common after a new baby for the father or co-parent to feel a bit sidelined and even jealous. The focus is usually on the mother during pregnancy and childbirth, and then afterwards everyone’s interested in how the mum’s coping. But it upends your partner’s life as well.

Focusing on the positive here, he’s told you how he feels and so many people in that situation wouldn’t admit to it for fear of causing problems in the relationship.

Your husband loves you both, but maybe just feels a bit pushed out and even redundant. Of course your baby needs your attention all the time, but don’t forget you’re a couple, too, and you do need to make time for each other. It’s a steep learning curve and it does take a bit of time to get used to.

So don’t be angry with him – tell him you’re glad he was able to tell you and then think of ways he can be more involved and more helpful, and also how you can spend some time together without the baby being the focus.

I remember after having my first son, my husband forced me to go to the pictures one night and got his mum to babysit. I probably slept through half the film, but I enjoyed it and, of course, when I got home, the baby was fine. Think creatively about how you spend your time when the baby’s asleep.