Daily Mirror (Northern Ireland)
GUILTY OVER LOVE FOR DEAD PAL’S WIFE
Channel 4, 8.30pm
Dear Coleen
I’m a man in my 30s and had a good friend who died a couple of years ago.
I was devastated and did all I could to support his wife. They didn’t have any children together.
Over the months, I got very close to her and we’ve now started a romantic relationship.
But I feel guilty about it all the time. None of our friends know about us – they assume we’re just close friends.
We’ve always got on well, but when my friend was alive I honestly never thought of her in a sexual way.
We want to be together and move on with our lives, but I’m worried about what people will think. Can you help?
Coleen says
I think you’re wary about the reaction among your social circle, but it sounds like you’re more worried that dating your mate’s wife is somehow a betrayal of the friendship you had with him.
People are brought together by grief more than you might imagine, and I don’t think you’re doing anything to feel ashamed or guilty about.
You weren’t having an affair before your friend died – this is something that’s developed since.
I think a good first step would be to get your relationship out in the open. You might find people are happy for you and pleased something positive has come out of a tragic situation. It might also help you both to talk things over with a grief counsellor (cruse.org.uk).
Just be mindful that it’s been a tough couple of years and you’ve relied on each other a lot to get you through.
Take things slowly and work out what else there is between you, other than this shared experience, to sustain the relationship in the future.
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