A foray into the lockdown pantry reaps rewards

BY now, I thought, it must be safe to go into the pantry under the stone stairs.

It’s not part of my territory. This is Mrs R-land, a mysterious domain of packets, tins, bottles and food containers.

Nothing to see here. We’ve eaten all the cans bought “just in case” there was a third lockdown, surely.

I was looking for some tonic to go with the gin left over from Christmas.

Yes, here’s some Schweppes best, with no best-before date and a litre of Co-op soda water. They’ve been here a long time, but they’ll be fresh when opened. For about 10 minutes.

Hello, what’s this doing here? A bottle of 14% Chilean Pinot Noir, sounds a beefy little number.

Hidden from my prying eyes, like the Cointreau in the utility cupboard. And a bottle of Tipsy Pig beer from the Keelham Farm Shop, obviously bought for the selfreferring label.

I might have to tackle that.

The unopened Sanatogen Tonic Wine can stay in place, along with the bottles of cider allegedly for cooking but I know Mrs R is partial to a glass.

Here, too, are some out of date Pot Noodles bought in anticipation of lockdown, and the historic Wye Valley fruit cake, a long-term resident of the pantry. Best before February 8 – 2018.

Sitting despondently on a lower shelf lies the breadmaker, another unused Christmas prezzie brought into the kitchen weeks ago, in high anticipation. Now it’s back under the stairs.

Dough! It didn’t happen. I don’t say it never will, but I see myself more as a breadwinner than a breadmaker.

I’ll have to talk this through with my bread-making sister, again, before my baking days can start.

One thing I do know, it won’t be the best thing since sliced...