HUBBY’S PUSHING ME TO GET ANOTHER JOB

Dear Coleen

I was furloughed last summer and lost my job just before Christmas.

I’m 51 and married with a 14-year-old son. My husband has a good job and we’ve managed to survive without my salary.

I’ve really enjoyed not working and I’ve managed to get a lot done around the house and help my son with his homework. I’ve also helped him settle back into school. He’s a sensitive lad and sometimes struggles with friendships. Not working has meant I’ve been able to support him a bit more.

I’ve also started walking with a friend every morning and I’m thinking about getting a dog.

My husband, however, keeps pushing me to find another job.

Is it unreasonable of me to not work? My husband seems to think so and keeps making digs.

Coleen says

Well, I guess it’s down to whether you’re in a position financially to give up work.

The other thing to consider is, how would you feel if your husband wanted to give up work?

Perhaps he feels you taking a very early retirement will put a lot of pressure on him to work hard and to save for your pension and future.

Having a bit of money coming in from you – even if you were just part-time before you were furloughed – was probably taking the pressure off him in that regard.

It’s a really hard time to find a job right now, and I get that. I also get that you don’t want to take on anything too junior or poorly paid.

And if you can afford not to work, then I get that you want to spend time with your son and get stuff done around the house.

But I do worry that your husband will start to resent all your time off while he’s working and worrying about the bills.

So why not sit him down and have the conversation about why he wants you to work, and really listen to what he has to say?

I can understand you want a nice life, walking with your mate and so on, but I can also understand why your husband doesn’t necessarily think this is fair on him.