Let’s do this together YOUR COMMUNITY CORNER

That advert when they say, “it’s a Mini adventure”? Well, in my fetid cesspit of a Mini, you’d be travelling back to a primordial swamp where life first began.

I can’t actually remember the last time it was jet-washed and vacuumed, but put it this way, when the car wash opens next week, all three types of life organisms will be found under the dashboard, plus my missing specs case.

Mind you, it’s not going to take just one visit to the jet-wash, the car may take 30 years to clean up before it’s fit for human transport again.

Even the dog is sniffy about getting in the footwell where he normally travels, which is outrageous as he’s responsible for half the harmful debris in that health and safety hazard on wheels.

The crumbs from The Dark Lord’s breakfasts on the school run have now combined with dog hair to make dust balls that roll across the dashboard and threaten to obscure what little I can see out of the windscreen since a plastic bowl hit and cracked the glass a few weeks ago.

I say “a” plastic bowl but it was in fact attached to The Dark Lord at the time when I hit the brakes, but apparently a glitch in the space-time continuum matrix was to blame and not at all because she was waving her hand around inside the car.

And before anyone says I should clean the car myself, it’s usually parked several streets away from home, and a bucket of water isn’t going to make a dent on that heaving hatchback of primordial soup.

What it really needs is one of those little toxic bomb air fresheners they give you at the car wash which burns the hairs off your nasal passages.

I think I’ll also ask for a spare one for The Dark Lord’s bedroom…

Email me at siobhan.mcnally@mirror.co.uk or write to Community Corner, PO Box 791, Winchester SO23 3RP.

Yours, Siobhan