My wife puts away at least a bottle of wine every night

Dear Coleen

My wife has always enjoyed a drink but during lockdown it’s got so much worse. Or at least, I think it has.

She used to drink a lot socially before, so perhaps she drank more than I realised. But now she can only really drink at home, I’m seeing just how much she gets through in a week.

She drinks about a bottle of wine a night, minimum, every single night. And as the week goes on, she drinks more. To give you an idea, she’ll often start drinking at 4 or 5pm while she’s cooking the kids’ tea, then she’ll have a few more glasses over dinner, and a few more plus some G&TS when the children are in bed.

She’s gained a lot of weight and she’s constantly exhausted and I want to tell her it’s because of the booze. But her dad was an alcoholic so she’s very sensitive about her drinking habit.

How can I tackle this?

Coleen says

Yes she is drinking too much. There are serious signs of alcoholism going on here, or certainly a drinking problem that could spiral into alcoholism.

Before having a go at her, or accusing her of drinking too much, I would ask her if she’s happy. Just say, “How are you feeling, love? Are you stressed? Is there anything I can do to help?”

Start the conversation off that way so she knows you’re on her side.

Trust me, if you do this it’s a lot less likely she’ll end up being defensive, or screaming and shouting.

Alcohol dependence is a really complex thing, so don’t blame or shame her, and definitely don’t compare her to her dad and say, “You’ll end up like him if you’re not careful!”

Just explain you’re worried about her drinking, but you’re more worried she’s doing it because she’s unhappy.

Just keep asking, “What can I do? Can I help?”

Is she stressed at work, or looking after the kids? Are there ways you could help her tackle any stress she may have going on in her life?

Like any addiction, the person suffering from it has to acknowledge it in order to be able to change.

Do I think you’re right to be worried? Yes. So speak to your wife, and in the meantime speak to your GP for advice or visit one of the drinking charities like Drink Aware (drinkaware.co.uk).

“She’s gained a lot of weight and is always exhausted