My sister-in-law seems to thrive on causing trouble

Dear Coleen

This may seem like a trivial problem, especially with the things going on the world at the moment, however, I’m struggling with it, so here goes.

I really feel my younger brother’s wife has ruined things in our family. She’s a classic troublemaker and is always setting off little “fireworks” in my family, setting up people against each other and then acting as if it had nothing to do with her.

She’s also insanely competitive with me (I’m the only sister), and is always digging for information. But I’ve discovered if I tell her anything, it goes straight back to my mum and dad!

Once she told them about quite a private matter – a hospital visit I had, which I didn’t want to worry my parents with. I did talk to her about this afterwards, saying if I’d wanted them to know, I would have told them myself.

Again, she acted as if butter wouldn’t melt and said she’d assumed they already knew.

My brother is a great guy and we get on well, but his wife is a nightmare.

What can I do about that? I’m guessing nothing!

I’d love your advice.

Coleen says

I wonder if there’s competitiveness, or maybe rivalry is a better word, between you and her. You were the only girl in the family until she came along, which was probably a bit of an adjustment.

And maybe she realises you have a bit of a special place in the family and she feels she has to compete.

First of all, stop telling her stuff you think she might blab or use against you somehow.

You can have an OK friendship and get on when you see each other without having to be close confidantes. And if she asks you why you’ve stopped sharing things with her, just be honest – you never know, it might lead to a breakthrough in your relationship. Other than that, no, there’s not much you can do about your brother’s choice of partner. But if he’s a great guy, then I’m sure he sees lots of good things in her – maybe they’re just hard to find!

Don’t blow it up into a big issue and don’t let it affect your relationship with your brother. And if you don’t compete with her, she’ll probably get bored of trying to impress.

She told my parents about a hospital visit I had