I’M STUCK IN MIDDLE AFTER DAD’S AFFAIR

Dear Coleen

My dad, who’s in his 50s, has been having an affair with someone he knows through work. My mum found out about it a few weeks ago and hit the roof.

I’m 21 and living at home at the moment. I’m missing my girlfriend and the atmosphere is unbearable.

My dad says he’s not seeing this woman any more, but doesn’t seem to be doing anything to make it up to my mum.

He just sulks all the time, she cries a lot, and they barely speak to each other.

I hate living here, but I have no choice at the moment.

Do you have any advice about how I can help or do I just shut my door and pretend that none of it is happening?

Sit down and have a bloody good talk to them – like my daughter did with me. Sometimes that’s what it takes.

Be the grown up and say: “Listen, I love you both and know you’re going through a terrible time, but I live here, too, and it’s making life unbearable for me.”

This is pretty much what my daughter said to me when I was going through a hard time with her dad before we divorced.

Parents often wrongly assume that when their kids are older, they’ll understand it more. I made that mistake with my daughter Ciara. I thought: “She’s a teenager, she’s pretty mature, she can deal with it.” But she couldn’t.

She had a go at me, telling me to make the decision to leave, or get on with it. Quite rightly she said it wasn’t fair on her to carry on the way we were.

Your mum is angry and heartbroken, so be empathetic. Suggest counselling could help her decide what to do. Tell your dad he’s showing no remorse, so of course your mum is angry, and you’re caught in the middle.

It’s all about communication, but you’re all just reacting instead of talking and listening.