Daily Mirror (Northern Ireland)
I can’t cope with husband watching porn every day
Dear Coleen
My husband, who is nearly 70, watches porn every day and I have caught him in the act several times. I can see from the history on the computer that it’s a daily habit and I’m finding it very hard to cope with. I’m even thinking of leaving him because I find it so difficult to deal with emotionally.
I thought we had a good sex life and always have, but this has made me question our whole relationship.
We’ve discussed it and he just says that all men on the planet do it and it means nothing.
He says I’m Victorian in my attitudes, implying that it’s my fault and says I should “mind my own business”.
I accept it’s much easier these days for men to access porn online, but I’m finding it hard to respond to him in the bedroom in a loving way.
Is it normal to view porn every single day? I feel the result of this is that he needs medication to help him in the bedroom as, of course, I’m not like the women he sees on porn sites.
I’d appreciate your opinion.
Coleen says
Yes, it’s true, a lot of men view porn, but it can become an addiction and by using it daily it sounds as if your husband could be in this territory. It might be useful to source some information online that you can show him.
It’s not easy to have these conversations, but you have to be strong and explain how serious this is for you – it’s stripping you of confidence and your relationship is in a lot of trouble because, consequently, you feel disconnected from him.
If he wants to save the relationship, then he needs to talk to you about it and not just dismiss you with accusations of being Victorian in your attitudes.
When using porn gets to a point where it’s affecting real sex with your partner it’s a problem and he should realise that overusing it could affect his ability to get aroused and enjoy sex with you.
He’s clearly very defensive around the subject, but he needs to listen to you and be able to have a calm conversation about the issue.
You’re not being a prude – you’re concerned about your relationship and it’s pretty hard to “mind your own business” when you live with him and have walked in on him several times while he’s “in the act”.
Maybe if you do talk, you can reach some form of compromise where he views it less often and is also more discreet about it.
There’s also the option of seeing a psychosexual counsellor to work through these issues.