So hurt that mum is taking no interest in my first baby

I had my first baby six months ago and feel very hurt by my mother’s lack of interest. This is her first grandchild, but she hasn’t reacted in the way I expected her to at all.

She’s had plenty of opportunity to visit us and to lend a hand, but she’s only seen my son a couple of times and, on both occasions, I was the one running around after her, making cups of tea and calling her taxis!

I thought she’d be more excited and would want to be really involved, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. I shouldn’t have to encourage her to take an interest in her own grandchild. She has four kids and I’ve always thought of her as being maternal because she was always very involved in our lives.

The trouble is, when I’ve tried to talk to her in the past about difficult subjects, she just goes cold on me and withdraws, and it ends up affecting our relationship, so it’s just not worth it.

My sister says to give it time and that maybe she needs to adjust to being a grandma! Am I overreacting? I just feel hurt and angry.

There could be umpteen reasons why she’s been a bit remote – maybe she’s just giving you some space with your partner and the new baby. On the other hand, I’ve had plenty of letters from new mums and dads whose parents won’t back off !

You’re right in that you can’t force her to get more involved, but you could encourage more interaction by suggesting things to do together with the baby. And just make a mental note not to turn it into a drama if she declines the offer.

You don’t say if your mum is still with your dad, but it might be good to talk to him and tell him how you feel. Or maybe your sister or another sibling could sound her out.

Remember, you have plenty of time for your mum to be more involved – some grandparents don’t connect with babies so much, but really come into their own when their grandchildren are a bit older.

And try not to fall out over it. The important thing is to keep your mum in the loop with your son – send photos, emails, do video chats, invite her out.

I’m sure the connection will come.

It’s her first grandchild but she just isn’t excited