My wife is refusing to have a baby and now avoids sex

I’m a man in my 30s and I’m married with one daughter. I really want to have another child, as I was an only one and hated it. However, my wife isn’t up for it.

This debate has been going on for some years – her excuse used to be that I was always out at work, so she would have to do most of the childcare and wanted to get her career back on track.

Now she hasn’t got that excuse, as I’ve been working from home for 18 months and do a lot of the childcare, as well as the domestic chores.

But now her excuse is we can’t really afford it and it’s not the right time to think about another child when everything seems so uncertain.

She has always been a cautious person, while I have a more “go with the flow” type of personality, but it really frustrates me that she doesn’t want to move forward.

I feel stuck at the moment and feel like she’s not listening to what I want and that I have to either put up or shut up. Naturally, this has affected our sex life – she avoids me at all costs – and our life together just feels miserable. Can you help?

This is a difficult one. I appreciate how much you want another child, but I really think you both have to want it or you’re setting yourselves up for a very challenging time. If she went along with it just to please you, as soon as things got tough she’d probably make it all your fault and resent you for it.

You’re already a father, so you know how hard parenting can be (along with all the good bits) and you know the impact it can have on your relationship.

Bringing another child into your marriage now would probably only drive you further apart.

I agree that she ought to listen to your side of things and not just dismiss your feelings and opinions. You need to listen to each other and try to come up with options and if you can’t do that together, then think about counselling.

Is there a compromise – for example, would she consider another child at some point? Or does she never want another baby and is just fobbing you off with excuses, hoping you’ll give up on the idea?

I think some honesty is needed so you can move on in whatever way feels right. Avoiding sex and avoiding the discussion will get you nowhere.

I want another child as I was an only one and hated it