I’m always too exhausted to have sex with my husband

I’ve been married for 13 years and have three wonderful children. I work four days a week in a stressful job and I’m often on my laptop late into the night.

I’m 43 and while I don’t think I’m near the menopause yet, I’ve completely gone off sex.

My husband wants to have it once or twice a week, which is fair enough, but I just don’t have the energy or the inclination.

Our eldest son is 12 and he stays up until about 9 or 10pm most nights reading. Once he’s fallen asleep I’m just about ready for bed myself.

My alarm goes off at 6.30am, so I’ve explained to my husband that I can’t stay up until 11pm any more.

I’m really tired, which I know is down to the kids and my busy job, but unless I quit – which we can’t afford for me to do – I don’t know what else to suggest.

It’s putting a huge strain on our marriage, and the more I feel guilty about him wanting sex the less I want to have it.

Am I being unreasonable?

There’s your whole problem. A combination of tiredness, stress, and nagging is enough to put anyone off sex.

I don’t know what job you do, but it sounds like you need to put some boundaries in place, and that includes not working on your laptop late into the evening.

I think that sometimes, even if it’s just one day a week, you should shut your laptop down, turn your phone off and concentrate on him.

Is there any scope for you to organise a sleepover for the kids a couple of times a month?

Sometimes in a marriage you just have to make the effort, and within minutes of making the effort you realise it’s worth it. At your stage of life, it feels as if you’re juggling everything and pleasing everyone else, while working and running a home, but in the middle of all that you have to somehow compromise and make the effort when it comes to sex.