Worried he’s having affair with leather-clad secretary

I’m happily married to a wonderful man and we have two grown-up daughters.

To cut a long story short, for my recent 60th birthday, my husband bought me a pair of expensive black leather trousers.

He asked me to wear them to the restaurant he’d booked and on the weekend away he’d arranged for us.

I was shocked – leather trousers at 60! I reacted pretty badly and told him I was disappointed. I ended up giving the trousers to my eldest daughter (who was delighted by the way).

The problem is, since that day, my husband has been very subdued. I’ve tried to explain and apologise, but he won’t talk about it.

To make matters worse, I bumped into his secretary in town the other day and guess what? She was wearing a smart leather jacket and matching skirt.

Lately, my husband has had to stay late at work and all sorts of thoughts are now running through my head.

Should I have it out with him? Please advise me what to do.

OK, he might have just wanted to buy you a pair of leather trousers because he thinks you’d look great in them, and he might be staying late at work because he’s busy or maybe he’s hurt and avoiding a confrontation at home.

So, it might be completely innocent and well meant but, the trouble is, now you’re suspicious that he either fancies his secretary or is having an affair with her because she was wearing leather when you saw her.

I think when you’re feeling a bit low or insecure, then your imagination can run riot. He might have just admired her dress sense or maybe she even helped him pick the gift!

I always think the best way forward is to be completely honest – just tell him how you feel and that you’re worried about why he’s staying late at work and that you’re now jumping to all sorts of conclusions.

I know it’s hard to confront these things – and your own insecurities – but it might open up the conversation to a wider discussion about where your relationship is at. Maybe you’re not as connected as you think you are and perhaps your relationship could even do with some nurturing and fun.

He works late since I refused leather pants he bought me