It feels far too soon to get pregnant after making up

I’m a woman aged 28 and recently got back with my ex, and we’ve been taking it slowly. We had been living together, but argued over a lot of things – him partying with friends too much, not taking the relationship seriously, spending money like water and there are many more gripes.

However, we’re together again, but not living with each other and things have been a lot better. We do love one another but there are things to work out.

My dilemma is, I’ve found out I’m pregnant, which wasn’t planned. I’m having the baby, but I’m struggling to feel truly happy about it.

I keep thinking of all the things that are wrong – we don’t have a home together and we’re still in the process of trying to fix our relationship.

Everyone around me is ecstatic about the baby, including my boyfriend, like everything is going to be fantastic and all our issues will magically disappear when he or she arrives.

I want to be positive, but it’s hard. Am I overthinking things? It just feels like a bad time for this to have happened.

I’d appreciate your thoughts on how I can move forward.

Coleen says

You’re panicking a bit and I get it because having a child is a big life-changing event. OK, it may not be ideal timing and a baby certainly won’t solve your relationship issues, which will still need working through. However, there’s never a right time to have a baby. You can always find a reason to put it off.

The fact is, it’s happening to you now, so I think it is important to accept that and try to look forward and plan.

I sense you’re feeling overwhelmed, so take it a step at a time. Share your fears with your boyfriend and talk about how you’re going to manage things.

If you don’t want to set up home with him again right now, then you can still be there for each other on an emotional and practical level.

There really is no rush if you don’t feel ready and don’t think your relationship can bear it. Maybe as the weeks and months go by, you will feel ready and you’ll have had time to adjust to having the baby, and have an idea of how things might work.

Also, don’t put pressure on the relationship – think of it as a work in progress – and try to enjoy the idea of becoming a mother.

Good luck.